Daniel Nest is a blogger of Ukrainian origin who explains succinctly

I do humour posts and am very affordable.

He wrote recently about the weird search terms used to access his Nest Expressed blog. Inspired by this I checked the strange searches that led some readers to the HelpGov blog. I have tried to understand what ten of these benighted souls might be looking for…

Upside down wheelie bin

Who would want information about an upside down wheelie bin? It’s easy. Bin upside down, waste on ground. End of story.

Business card showing degree example

Ah, business cards with qualifications on. How I hate them. Joseph Soap, M.B.E., H.N.D., B.Sc. (Hons.), M.A., M.Phil., FBACS, MOPIE, ABUM. What’s all that about then? Insecurity I think. The weirdest I saw was the leader of a council I worked for who had no academic qualifications. No shame in that. But as he reached the end of his career he received two honorary Ph.D.s, one from each of the two local universities. So on official correspondence he went within a short time from Cllr. Bob Middleton to Cllr. Dr. Robert Middleton Ph.D. (true story).

Waste-2-value swine

I am completely bemused by the meaning of this phrase. Anyone able to help? The best I can guess is that it’s the inaccurate translation of some deadly insult in a foreign language – ‘You waster-value swine.’ Or maybe it’s a genetically modified pig that produces less waste than the traditional porker so that even the ‘oink’ can be used.

Twitter logo

Why would anyone visit the HelpGov blog to find the Twitter logo? Why not attempt the enormously complex task of visiting Twitter, or even more daring, Google Images?

Pictures of bad teeths not being brushed for weeks

I can assure readers that no matter how hard they look they will not find pictures of bad teeths on this site, although for anyone willing to search there is a middling-to-old story of waste in the NHS involving free but inappropriate toothbrushes for young children. No disgusting pictures of poor oral hygiene though.

Snow happy people

A.k.a. children. Everyone else longs for the warmth of summer.

Solicitores full size

It is well known that solicitores come in small, medium and full sizes, the same as barristeres and lawyeres, but not on this site.

Desain taman kota

Seseorang searchin di Indonesion untuk ‘desain Taman kota’ datang di situs HelpGov. Saya terkesan. Aku tidak tahu mengapa, tapi aku terkesan. Thank you Google Translate

“Meaning of” tressangle

There is no meaning of tressangle unless it’s the angle my daughter’s hair assumes after she subjects it to its regular dose of TRESemmé

Happy birthday in filipino language

Masaya kaarawan – easy!

That’s all. Happy Christmas or as they say in the States to cover all possibilities and none, Happy Holidays.

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